A Better Marriage Through Books

In general men do not like reading (hence the usual 300-words-per-post on this site), but reading can be an amazing way to breathe new life into any project, as we learn from the wisdom of those who have gone before us. This is especially true with marriage.

I found an interesting link to iamhusband.com on the blog reallybigfingerprints.com written by Brent Cole. He wrote, "I've spent a lot of time reading about every topic concerning any job I've ever held, but I've spent very little time reading about parenting or marriage...If the saying 'Show me your wallet and your calendar and I'll show you what's important to you' holds any truth, certainly my reading list would also reflect to some degree what I value."

What an excellent point. We'll read what we have to at our jobs for training. We'll read the instruction manual of a gadget if we run into a problem. In life, we read what we have to read to get the job done, whether we want to or not. But for some reason we don't do that in marriage; we stay confused and stuck in our misunderstandings. And too often confusion and misunderstandings lead to anger and distance.

I challenge the husbands out there to pick up a book on marriage, not because it will solve all your problems, but because it will help you start thinking about how you can solve your problems. There are many great books out there, but I do highly recommend For Men Only (as I have done before) if you're just getting started. It's short – a very easy read – and really helps husbands better understand their wives.

You may not like reading, but your marriage will love it.

Photo by Norby

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"Fine" Is Not Fine

The following comes from the book For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldham. This is a great book for men to read about how to understand their women better. It's not too long, gets straight to the point, and I'd definitely recommend getting a copy for yourself.

Erase "fine" from your response options.

Fine is not fine... Fine is what you mumbled to Mom when she asked you how school went.

One wife mentioned that if she asked at the beginning of an evening how she looked, her husband would typically say, "You look fine, sweetheart." But as she put it, "I worked this hard for fine ?"

I think guys say that word because we simply misunderstand the real question. When she asks how she looks, we think she's wondering if she looks presentable. But what she wants to know is if she's still rocking our world--like she did on that first date. So "fine," sort of by definition, tells her, "No, you're not rocking my world."

I think this is a great point, and one we would all do well paying attention to. Next time you're tempted to say "fine," remember: She doesn't want to know if she's going to embarrass you in public or not. She wants to know if you like what you see.

Helpful words:

beautiful, gorgeous, fantastic, great, really nice, yeah I like that a lot, wow (And adding "absolutely" in front of any of those takes it up a notch.)

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