Comments on iamhusband.com: Marriage Is Not 50/50

Hey, ladies...here's the biggest "secret&...

2011-01-31T04:39:06.545+02:00

Hey, ladies...here's the biggest "secret" to get your husband to commit to the 100/100 (which means him doing housework): respect him. Your eyes went wide right there, didn't they?

BTW, I'm a happily married wife with a very happy husband.

Stay single till you are old and really need someo...

2010-09-22T23:08:57.153+03:00

Stay single till you are old and really need someone around;)

From what I see marriage is NEVER fifty fifty, som...

2010-07-19T17:33:39.893+03:00

From what I see marriage is NEVER fifty fifty, someone always does more, sometimes WAY more. Anonymous, you are not alone. I pay 90% of the bills,the mortgage, do all the housework,- clean, cook, childcare etc. On the flip side, my husband mows the lawn, and is our family chauffeur ( I don't have a license.)

She's been honest with you, you knew her deal ...

2010-01-25T15:27:03.697+02:00

She's been honest with you, you knew her deal going into the relationship. Maybe at the time of wedding you thought you were responsible /tidy enough for the both of you. You still are. If not, hire a maid. What's more important to you, a wife who cooks and cleans, or a happy marriage? I am speaking from experience. My wife and I still--after 16 years--fight about who is lazier.

I am a 43-year old highly educated successful man ...

2010-01-25T14:45:32.500+02:00

I am a 43-year old highly educated successful man who is married to a woman who, in her own words, is a slob. I am organized, neat and meticulous. Consequently, I do nearly all of the housework and pick up after my wife. When I ask her to do her part, she says it is not who she is, even when I tell her that I would really appreciate it. We also have two children, and I find myself straightening their room (along with them), but my wife is fine if the children's room is messy. My wife and I are in the same profession, but I work more hours and care more about advancement. My wife has a lot of free time, which she chooses to spend on activities, like Facebook, that do not contribute to the overall well-being of the family. I have sacrificed and been patient, but I am proud of our home and want it to look relatively clean and clutter-free. Is there something wrong with me?

I would like to say that from a husbands point of ...

2009-09-25T02:25:16.573+03:00

I would like to say that from a husbands point of view that women can take us for granted just as much if not more than the other way around. I get up before my wife and start getting myself ready then I wake her and the kids. She gets in the shower and gets herself ready, I finish getting ready and get the kids ready, and get the kids to school and daycare. We have the same job but I out produce her, more productive and make more (sales). If she cooks I clean up. She does her share but she is not grateful of what I do. If I am tired and would like fifteen minutes to kick back I am not holding up my side. If I want a romantic evening and she is tired I am being inconsiderate of her. I feel that their is a definite double standard. I am the one that takes the kids by myself many days and don't mind at all (after all their my kids also)

Lets hear a little about the other side of the story also

Written like a man that has his wife doing the dis...

2009-04-10T00:00:00.000+03:00

Written like a man that has his wife doing the dishes.

If this fluff took more than 10 mins to spew down then you are in the wrong line of work, and your wife is in fact doing way more than her share. But if she believes you - you are golden. When she decides that your endevors are not valid; she will peer into that sink and see many sharp items and have ideas about collecting some lost percentages.

A marriage can survive an affair, if there is stil...

2008-11-12T17:34:00.000+02:00

A marriage can survive an affair, if there is still love between you. In fact, an affair can help learn about what is causing dissatisfaction in the marriage. But do not expect the same "madly in love" emotions as you perceive in the emails between your wife and her lover. A "lover" can cause a rush of hightened passion with the longing and secret trysts, and because it is "new". You probably had similar heat for each other when you first dated, too. After ten years, a marriage evolves from being driven by intense romantic feelings, to mutual admiration and raising your family. You seem to still love her, so forgive your wife, and stop comparing what you think her feelings are for "him". Afterall, she is choosing to work it out with you, and that says a lot about her wish to remain committed to your marrigae. Good luck!

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. Abo...

2008-11-12T15:32:00.000+02:00

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. About 7 months ago, I found out that my wife had been in a torrid, year long, affair with an older, married, man from the work place. Unfortunately I stumbled accross it by reading emails between her and him. The emails expressed passion and feeling that I have never heard from my wife. I think that my wife had intentions on leaving me and our 2 small children, but she has yet to be completely honest with me about anything concerning this.

As we are trying to rebuild this marriage, lots of counseling, I have expressed to her that I wish to have the relationship with her that she had for the last year. She says she loves me and that we do have that relationship, unfortunately I read the emails, so I know it is not even close.

How to we make this marriage a 100/100 given the crisis that we have been through? Is it unreasonable of me to want this kind of fantasy life with her?

Thanks.

My husband and I are at the 100/100. And we are 21...

2008-10-30T23:08:00.000+02:00

My husband and I are at the 100/100. And we are 21 and newly wedded. I hope many couples read this article.

Basically my better half and I keep the lets not k...

2008-09-18T09:46:00.000+03:00

Basically my better half and I keep the lets not keep score bit in mind, but if anything we use it as an excuse to go out and do something for the other one. We don't need an excuse per se, but if anything it keeps us thinking about what the other has done for us in the past and what we can do to show the other how much it means to us, we both realize that we've given and taken our fair share. And the end result is this: as long as you balance each other out who cares who does what when? It just doesn't matter in the long run. I've always had a rule in my household, who ever cooks doesn't have to clean, don't like it? then make a meal, I've found it tends to encourage a balance, I'm a bartender and a Cook at work. so I really hate doing the dishes, And she's more consistent at getting them done right away, where as I would let them sit for no doubt too long (try 4 hours of dishes basically every day and see how fast you want to do them after dinner) but it works for other chores too, you want to sleep in? fine but you get to do the bed linens, and so on and so forth.

I thought I was in love before. A few times. I don't think I am anymore, I know I am and that's all that matters, Our happiness together is the most important thing to us. M

Our philosophy of marriage is to earn as many and ...

2008-08-05T13:40:00.000+03:00

Our philosophy of marriage is to earn as many and lose as few Frequent Foreplay Miles as possible. It's based on the premise that foreplay is all day, 24/7, and encompasses everything that transpires between spouses. The higher our FFM balance, the happier we both are. Why do we focus on earning Frequent Foreplay Miles? Because it's just human nature to keep a mental tally of the pluses and minuses as a way to assess whether the relationship is working and in balance. Sure, we all know that tit-for-tat is destructive but, Gandhi and Mother Teresa aside, we all keep score and to think otherwise is silly. Frequent Foreplay Miles works so well for us, it's the subject of my upcoming book. Check it out at www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com

To Tracee who said:
"I think in real world term...

2008-07-07T17:52:00.000+03:00

To Tracee who said:
"I think in real world terms husbands aren't stepping up quite so much as they think they are."

In real world terms.... it's statements like this that emphasize why so many husbands get sick of even trying.

Matt, sorry your marriage didn't work. Half of the...

2008-06-20T02:20:00.000+03:00

Matt, sorry your marriage didn't work. Half of them don't. But for those husbands still trying don't lose hope. A marriage with intimacy--physical and/or emotional--is worth the struggle. I hope Matt you get to date lots of 20-year-olds and have a blast. But love isn't measured by a woman's age, her shape, or her demons, nor is it measured by a man's net worth. When you find a woman who loves you, Matt, you will want to make it last forever. Go and date every stewardess you can. Find happiness out there. Dating can be fun. But the REAL fruit of life is joy. And that comes from having an enduring, committed relationship with someone you enjoy. Matt, you know it's true.

Hi

Thanks all for your help.

It didn...

2008-06-19T22:05:00.000+03:00

Hi

Thanks all for your help.

It didn't work - we're doing the divorce thing (oh NOOO - the "D" word I hear you all cry).

If it's not working, get out.

I'm fit and 40, and am happy that I'm doing it now before I waste the rest of my life - at least I can spend the next few years in reckless abandon with beautiful 20-somethings that want some no-strings-attached love.

Guys - get a grip - women get old, men get mature - sharing all the chores is OK, but if you are the bread winner, then your wife must be the home-maker.... I fell into the trap, but luckily I escaped.

Why grow old just because your wife does??? enjoy the fruits of youth - 40 year old women might still get horny, but they sure don't look and feel as nice as 20 year old ones - don't kid yourselves !!!!!

Go guys - go !!!!

Matt

My husband and I try to divide things equitably. ...

2008-06-16T08:57:00.000+03:00

My husband and I try to divide things equitably. He cooks because he loves cooking, and I wash dishes because I love not cooking. He takes out the trash; I do laundry because I'm better at it.

I love this article.

This attitude is the r...

2008-06-10T10:03:00.000+03:00

I love this article.

This attitude is the reason why WonderHubby & I have made it through all that we have in the last 11yrs.

And it's why I call him WonderHubby, too. :)

solucky,

You should have added a disclaimer...

2008-06-06T14:50:00.000+03:00

solucky,

You should have added a disclaimer clause at the end of your post stating:

There is no guarantee that doing your part, or all of the housework for that matter, will arouse your wife to have more sex with you.

Doing things because you expect something back in return from your spouse, will only lead to resentment.

Sometimes it is not that a husband isn't doing his share of the housework but that he doesn't show any appreciation and consideration for his wife's efforts in doing the housework.

If a man makes the effort to emotionally connect with his wife on a daily basis, he will have a very happily married woman and marriage.

2008-05-28T19:03:00.000+03:00

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

I didn't read everyone's post, but I do wanna shar...

2008-05-22T18:42:00.000+03:00

I didn't read everyone's post, but I do wanna share my ideas on this.
The husbands need to realize that by helping out with the chores of the house is like foreplay for women. It also give them more time to relax and let's face it men she will have more time to take care of your needs. And with a clean house, she won't be distracted with all the things that need to be done, because women are multitask thinkers, so the less they have to worry about the more likely they are to give you the attention you want.

My bride and I don't keep score. She does the dis...

2008-05-21T05:38:00.000+03:00

My bride and I don't keep score. She does the dishes most of the time. I change the oil in the autos all of the time. She vacuums the floor all of the time. I cut the grass and trim the shrubs and trees all of the time. She washes the clothes. I repair what's broken.

Basically, we do what we do well... so it gets done and we can go have fun.

I think that many of the wives (and husbands) that...

2008-05-20T21:45:00.000+03:00

I think that many of the wives (and husbands) that have commented already have fallen into the trap of assuming all relationships are the same. I think that every relationship is different or at least my marriage is very different from all those described already. All men and women give and receive love differently; the secret is discovering how your spouse receives love and giving in that way. I highly recommend the book "Five Love Languages" on this subject.

Randal - F.Y.I. - things going better now :-)
<...

2008-05-20T20:54:00.000+03:00

Randal - F.Y.I. - things going better now :-)

Cheers guys, and thanks for letting me rant !!

Best wishes all...

Matt

Thanks Randal - I appreciate your time and input.....

2008-05-17T22:45:00.000+03:00

Thanks Randal - I appreciate your time and input....

Matt, does fortune have to smile back upon you bef...

2008-05-17T16:06:00.000+03:00

Matt, does fortune have to smile back upon you before Mrs. Matt will come back around, such as, lucrative dealmaking, an impressive sports car reintroduced into the garage, your drinking abstinence continued , many holidays, overseas cruises, etc. "My wife doesn't work and [yet] she complained that I should be working." Doesn't this seem a bit one sided to you? She may feel on more equal footing since your business isn't making you the obvoius superior party these days. Your situation will improve soon enough, but now may be a good time to accept more balanced roles. Talk to her about your insecutrities about your business lull and if she provides you with inspiration and understanding until dark clouds are lifted then your relationship can flourish. But if too much depends on your staying rich, she may not be your best match.