Comments on iamhusband.com: I Need Your Help

Any advice about marriages between people with dif...

2010-02-20T01:49:25.025-06:00

Any advice about marriages between people with different religious views (e.g. a Christian and an atheist)? We do share some common values and thoughts about generally good ways to behave or bring up kids, and yet we differ on this rather fundamental question, on which so much else about how we see the world is based. And we have have quite strong feelings about it.

To Valley Confused, There are definitely seasons ...

2009-07-08T13:35:02.458-05:00

To Valley Confused,

There are definitely seasons in a marriage, and it sounds like right now you are going through a tough time. Tough times do not mean end-of-times. They just mean they're tough.

Anything worth having in this life is worth working for. We value nothing that we have not sweat for ourselves. Marriage is hard work, there's no doubt about that. But it is also worth it. The things you are doing now sound positive, and I encourage you to keep working at them.

What is it about your wife that you love madly? And if you truly do love her madly, how could you see a life without her as "better"? Yes dating random women for the rest of your life would be "easier" (in one, skewed aspect), but it definitely would be lacking the benefits of blood, sweat, and tears of a hard-earned marriage.

I pray you are able to work through this, but without knowing you myself, I can't really give much applicable advice. E-mail me if you want to talk some more.

Please, though, do not leave after working on a project for 10 1/2 years.

—A Husband

My wife and I are going through a major overhaul/u...

2009-07-03T01:02:15.532-05:00

My wife and I are going through a major overhaul/upheaval right now. After 10-1/2 years there was little communication and zero passion. She thought all we needed was to get away on a vacation, but the last time we did that things were nice, but still zero passion.

It seems like all we do is active listening and arguing and "I" statements and 7 steps inside of however many dimensions of communication tools...and we're not getting anywhere. Every step forward ends up being a step sideways. We're going to a marriage counselor AND couples group AND we're each seeing our own psychologists.

And I don't always know if it's worth it. All I can see right now is a lifetime of what we're doing right now. I love my wife madly, but a part of me is wondering if being alone and dating (or not) would be better/easier/healthier.

So, that's what I'd like to get some opinions on. I'm happy to answer questions, but really I want to hear what other's have done in similar situations. How do you know you should keep working at it and how do you know there's nothing left to work for?

- Valley Confused

I'd love to see some discussion of fighting well, ...

2009-05-07T11:59:45.432-05:00

I'd love to see some discussion of fighting well, and laying healthy ground rules for productive, non-hurtful fights.

Hey, I think that's a great idea. We'll try and do...

2009-05-05T08:01:31.544-05:00

Hey, I think that's a great idea. We'll try and do a post like that soon. Thanks so much for your input!

—A Husband

How'd you know when the woman you were with was th...

2009-05-04T21:29:31.895-05:00

How'd you know when the woman you were with was the one you wanted to marry? Did you know instantly? Was it hard fought? Did you have doubts? How did you silence them? Isn't forever a really a long time?

I'd like to see that discussed by multiple authors.

-A single guy