Are You A Mature Husband?

There are certain things that a man will never be completely comfortable with. Things like buying tampons or panty liners, for example, or actual saying the words tampons and panty liners out loud. Going to the gynecologist with your wife is a strange experience for sure, and walking into a room while your mom and your wife are discussing how the two of your are “trying” to have a baby can be pretty awkward as well. What I want to say today is not that you need to grow up and be completely comfortable with these things, but that you do need to grow up and be mature about them.

Your wife doesn’t need you to freak out when she tells you she has a yeast infection, she needs you to listen. Your wife doesn’t need you to giggle like a fourteen-year-old if she says the word “vagina” in your presence. You are a husband now, her life is your life. Don’t like running into the store to buy liners because she started spotting earlier than she expected? Get over it and do it. Yes, it feels funny to be a man standing in the check out line buying feminine products, no one is denying that. But you’re not in middle school anymore, either; no one is going to point and laugh and say you’re a girl.

And speaking of what others are thinking, the ironic thing here is that the more womanly things you’re mature about with your wife the more manly you actually look. She appreciates being able to talk about sensitive issues with you, and her friends are impressed that you don’t run out of the kitchen with your hands over your ears when you hear the words “Pap smear.” By choosing the mature route you actually look more like a man in people's eyes than the other way around.

Like I said, it’s not that you have to feel comfortable with these things, but you must be mature about them. She needs a manly man, not a manly boy.

Do You Allow Your Little Girls To Dress Like This?

Well I apologize for missing my Monday deadline. House guests will do that to you every time if you're not prepared. I'm actually heading out of town myself today, so I thought I'd break the routine and just share a link that really resonated with me that I read this morning.

It was an article on CNN titled Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps. Though I try to keep this site focused on the husband/wife relationship only (the kids add a whole different dynamic that merits its own blog), I couldn't help but agree with everything this writer was saying, and couldn't help but wonder what parents are thinking by pushing this industry of sexualizing little girls.

The last line in the article summed it all up wonderfully: A line needs to be drawn, but not by Abercrombie. Not by Britney Spears. And not by these little girls who don't know better and desperately need their parents to be parents and not 40-year-old BFFs.

This relates to marriage in that you and your wife are a team, and the way your kids dress should be a team decision. I'm not sure there are any fathers out there who are really into their little girls dressing like Britney Spears, but someone's allowing it. Is this a topic that needs to be talked about in your home?

If there are things to stand up for in your household, I'm saying this is one of them.

And The Winners Are...

As was announced last week, I was giving away five copies of the book Stuff Husbands Should Know after my review of the book. As I mentioned, five winners would be drawn from the comments section using Random.org. Well, we actually only ended up receiving a total of five qualifying comments, so that makes everything a bit easier, doesn't it?

So for those first five commenters on the last post, send me your name and mailing address using the contact form and I will have Quirk Books send those out to you right away.

Thanks for playing everyone! See you Monday.

Is This Stuff Every Husband Should Know?

This last week I was sent a newly released book to review by Eric San Juan called Stuff Every Husband Should Know. It was a short book that I finished while reading off and on throughout a single day. It’s published by Quirk Book which releases a lot of “Pocket Companion” books.

What I Liked
For what it was, I enjoyed the book. It was not written to be the end-all manual for husbands, but a fun overview of some common marital topics and a warning to the newly married man to avoid common pitfalls. It provided some genuinely useful “man” information such as “How to Choose Great Jewelry”, “How To Remember Things Men Don’t Remember”, and “How to Do Simple Wall Repairs.” It gave great ideas like “Six Great, Easy Dates” and “Five Great, Classy Dates”, as well as “How To Serve Breakfast In Bed”. And, it provided some good relational food for thought like, “Be the Master of One Meal A Day”, “How Not To Fight Over Money”, and “How To Make Decisions.” The chapters weren’t very long but generally provided some good information.

What I Didn’t Like
The book is written to be light hearted and funny which worked well when it was actually funny, but it was awkward and felt forced when it wasn’t. One of the first things that didn’t sit well with me (and actually caused me to tell my wife I didn’t think I was going to like it at all) was that the book seemed to be based on the idea that “Marriage is hard, so here’s how to survive” instead of “Marriage is hard, here’s how to thrive.” It seemed to find it’s foundation in the stereotypical husband jokes and work its way out of that muck, rather than start fresh with a message of hope. It felt like a book about dealing with marriage rather than a book about falling in love with marriage. Which, as any visitor to this site needs to know, that is a very important thing to me.

As with any book you read, you’ve got to pick out the bones, and one of the biggest bones I had to pick with this book was a chapter on how to manage one’s erotic materials. The idea was how to keep it safe and secure from anyone else including your wife if you weren’t already open about it. If there’s any message I want resounding from this site is that honesty in marriage is the key to a happy and intimate relationship. Porn destroys marriages, especially when it’s kept secret. Whether or not it’s common doesn’t change the fact that it’s dangerous. The irony to me was that the author often, when telling husbands to do hard things, challenged them with the words “You are a man, you can adapt. You can overcome any obstacle.” Aparently getting rid of an addiction to porn didn’t warrant that kind of admonition.

Conclusion
Since at first glance it looks as though I didn’t like this book twice as much as I liked it, let me say again that, for the most part, I enjoyed it. In all fairness that chapter on porn was a few pages in a book that was full of some good information. If nothing else, it all got me thinking about my own relationship with my wife, and even sparked some conversation. And that, dear husbands, is always a good thing.

Want A Free Copy?
I asked Quirk Books if they’d be willing to give out a copy or two to our readers, and they graciously offered to send five. So if you’d like to a chance to receive a copy of Stuff Every Husband Should Know, simply post your best piece of “Every Husband Should Know” advice in the comments below (keep in clean) by Friday, April 15 at 10pm EST. I will choose five winners using Random.org and announce them on Saturday. Only one comment per person, please. And sorry, but only U.S. readers are eligible.

So what is that one piece of husbandry advice you’d give to someone getting ready to be married?

The book is Available at Amazon in hardback and for the Kindle here.

Do The Romance And Affection Have To Fade?

I’ve linked to the popular TreyMorgan.net before, and for good reason—the guy has a lot of good things to say about family, fatherhood, and marriage.

A couple weeks ago he posted an interesting article titled 9 Big Lies About Marriage that I thought was especially good, and I invite you to go check them all out for yourself here. One that stuck out to me particularly was number four on his list: “Romance and affection will always fade with time.”

I don’t know why we act like this is an inevitability in marriage. Yes, it’s true that with familiarity comes the potential for exciting things to fizzle, but it doesn’t have to be the case. Along with believing that lasting love is a choice you make every day, I also believe the same about romance and affection. If it’s died, it’s because you’ve made that decision.

Psychologists will tell us it has to do with the “thrill of the hunt.” You pursued her, you wooed her, and then you wed her. Why do we need to keep trying to capture her heart if we’ve already done it once? That’s simple: because her affection for you will fade over time if you don’t. Her heart will miss the chase. And it might just be that the reason you have that empty feeling in your stomach when you think about your relationship is because you miss the chase too.

So, hear this: Romance and affection do not have to fade.

In what ways can you keep the romance and affection alive in your marriage? Plan a date, kiss her every time you leave the house, kiss her every time you come home. There are a million different ways to romance your wife, just pick one, and then another one, and then another one, and watch those feelings from your dating days come back into focus.