September 29, 2011
The New Kindle And My Old Sex Life
We can all relate to this, can’t we? You buy a state-of-the-art, just-released gadget, and it is the apple of your eye until the new version is released. Then my fast device isn’t as fast, and my “new” features are old news. This is something we all understand and can relate to, but the point I want to focus on today is this:
How did you learn that what you had was old?
The answer is simple: By exposing yourself to the new. It’s not until we learn that there is something else out there that we begin to despise the things we were just in love with. We have exposed our eyes to something we didn’t even know existed a day earlier, and now that’s all we can think about.
Now let’s apply this principle to our sex lives.
In marriage, it’s not uncommon for a husband to feel frustrated with his wife’s lack of desire to try new things in bed. Some would argue that that is only natural; that familiarity breeds contempt. They would say that unless you are constantly spicing things up in the bedroom, you get bored. Though I think there is something to say about doing your best to keep the romance alive in your sex life, it is also important to look at this through this lens of old versus new.
If you are frustrated because your wife is turned off by oral sex, or because she’s not into trying new positions, or because sex in an airplane bathroom doesn’t appeal to her, you have to ask yourselves one question:
How did all these sexual ideas get into my head in the first place?
When we expose ourselves to pornography or to sexually suggestive material (whether that be magazines, TV shows, internet, movies, ect.), we are teaching ourselves that “regular” sex is old and we need to try new things to keep things exciting. And just like when we’re constantly bombarded by advertisements for new gadgets, giving into every desire can be dangerous. Many husbands come into marriage addicted to pornography, or at the very least, having been exposed to way too much of it. So instead of learning about sex as a couple, and experimenting on their own with what they like and don’t like, the husband is working his way down a checklist. Regular sex is so last year, so why don’t we try... The result is all too common: He's never satisfied and she's perplexed (and often hurt) wondering why he wants her to try all this stuff in the first place.
If you’ve run into frustrations in your marriage because your wife isn’t into all these new things you want to try, you need to ask yourself where you got these ideas to begin with. Was it from an honorable place, or are you trying to bring your past (or current) life of indulgence into this new relationship? If your wife isn’t comfortable with some of your kinky ideas, don’t get mad at her for not wanting to try new things when the only reason it’s in your head was because you spent too long chasing links online the night before.
The more we limit our exposure to new things, the less we desire to have them. What is true for electronics, is true for your marriage. In many different ways, of course, but especially in this one.