June 7, 2010

Don't Pay Your Electric Bill, Get Closer To Your Wife

Okay so I’m I’m only half-serious with that title—I think.

Tell me if you relate to this: It’s the end of the day, kids are in bed, it’s just the two of you up and...

you’re both on Facebook.

Or she’s watching TV in one room and you’re playing video games in another. No? Well, maybe I’m all alone here, but humor me.

I was just thinking the other day at how different marriages might be if we stopped devoting so much time to the the things that use electricity in our homes. We stay up late on the computer until we can barely keep our eyes open and then just crash next to our wives. Sexual problems in marriage are on the rise—please don’t tell me it’s because we’re up late on Facebook!

My wife and I were traveling overseas a couple years ago and stayed in an apartment that didn’t have a TV, a computer, or an internet connection. After we came home from dinner that evening, things felt wrong. There was no one to call or text. There was no e-mail or Facebook to check. No TV to watch. It was quiet, and it was just the two of us. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I just don’t think a situation like that should be awkward. But I’ll admit: It kinda was.

So what did we do? Well, for starters I brought a book on the trip and actually read it. (I too often say that I “don’t have time to read” but in actuality I’m just doing things that my culture-acquired ADD finds easier.) My wife was reading a book of her own and we enjoyed the intimacy of the silence and of being together. It felt good. It felt peaceful. After the books? We made love. It wasn’t very late so the two of us weren’t exhausted (read: better sex) and afterward we actually fell asleep at a decent time.

It’s a grand irony, isn’t it? Technology makes difficult things easier while simultaneously making simple things harder. And that ironic truth is affecting our marriages in bad ways. There’s not an app that can make your marriage better.

What am I proposing here? I’m not entirely sure. A “No Electronics” rule on a night or two of the week? Maybe. Setting specific times to sit and do nothing together? Possibly. I think I just want us to look at our relationships and see how much we’re paying the electric company to pull our marriages apart. And then take action.

So what do you think? How would marriage be different if you pulled the plug?


  1. Excellent post. We just finished VBS. Had VBS helpers in our home, so each night we sat up till late visiting, no tv, no radio, no computer. Wonderful time of making new friends and bonding. Same could happen for a family. I like your suggestion of a couple of nights with "No Electronics."

  2. Huh, interesting. My wife and I don't love TV (heck, neither of us even have a TV set), but I can get kinda lost in the Internet. We're fresh into marriage -- been married just over three weeks -- and we moved out of our respective houses into a little cabin my wife's dad's colleague lent us for the summer. Running water and electricity, yes, but no Internet and no TV set (although her laptop does play DVDs). From what you're saying, I guess we should consider ourselves blessed to not have any electronic distractions! That's kind of a nice thought, like God's trying to give us a good start on our marriage.

    (Of course, this being a new thing for both of us, it's not too hard to be focused on each other either ;-)