Wash Your Dish On Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was eating something while my my mom and my wife were in the kitchen baking up a storm. When I took my dish to the sink I noticed that it was quite full of bowls and spoons and other things. I knew if I just set my bowl in the sink and walked away I would get a few comments about it, so I set out to wash my own dish so that I wouldn't be contributing to the mess.

After I quickly washed my own dish I thought I might as well wash all the baking dishes as well and be a little bit of a help to the ladies who were working so hard. So I did, and then the shower of accolades began.

My mom, my wife, and my grandma-in-law all started talking about how sweet and thoughtful I was. Then before bed my wife told me how much she appreciated me and my thoughtfulness, and then compared me to another man in the house who didn't do anything all day long. I really didn't think what I did was really worth all the attention, especially since the girls were the ones doing all the work. But my wife appreciated it, and that's what matters to me.

So I thought I'd pass on this little tip to everyone else today. As the women in your life are going crazy with last minute holiday meal preparations, present wrapping, and child-wrangling, what little thing could you do to be a big help?

Merry Christmas everybody!

Something She Actually Wants

I remember being at a friend's house sometime around the holidays several years ago. This friend's dad loved watching TV. In fact, it was pretty much the only thing he did in his spare time. This friend's mom, however, hardly ever watched TV; she found much more satisfaction in doing other things. So it was pretty funny when I came over and Dad proudly showed me the new TV "he got for mom." Yeah, right.

I was reminded of this story recently when my own father was venting to me about how this year my mom was refusing any of the latest and greatest technological gifts. She said she was tired of having to relearn these things, all to have them become outdated so quickly. She wanted clothes, shoes, household wares. She wanted things that would last. What was so humorous to me was that my dad sounded genuinely irritated that my mom would want those things because he really wanted to get her a Kindle.

We men are funny, aren't we? And while we can go ahead and laugh at our ridiculousness, let's not forget to improve our relationships while we do it. This year, think: What would my wife actually want for Christmas? Make sure you are honestly comparing that with what you want her to have. They are probably not the exact same thing. And I promise you, even if you miss the mark but she can see the effort, she'll love it more than that other thing. Really.

I think some of this goes back to what I wrote on learning to love the same things. We do want those closest to us to be just as interested in the things we love as we are. But in some areas, that can really just come across as selfish.

Are You Having An Emotional Affair?

My heart breaks with all the news on Tiger Woods right now. This kind of news is never pretty in life, but few of us will ever know what it feels like to suffer this kind of embarrassment in front of the world. Though I do believe he should have been found out and in the long run it will be good for him, I don't think he deserves our hate and scorn. Just our prayers would do fine. I follow a photography blog by Scott Kelby and he had an excellent little post about our reaction to this whole fiasco. He described exactly what I was feeling and I strongly recommend that you go take a look at it here. 

But all of this news has made me think of something I heard when listening to a marriage seminar recently. The speaker said that an emotional affair always comes before a physical affair. You might want to read that again.

An emotional affair always comes before a physical affair.

I think most of us would swear up and down that we'd never go out and have a physical affair with anyone, but the fact is you may be in the midst of an emotional affair right now. An emotional affair happens whenever you give your mind and heart over to focusing on and thinking about other women. This could be that new coworker who has been so complimenting of your work. This could be a new connection with an old high school friend on Facebook. Most of the time they start out innocently, but over time your heart begins to get attached. This is why porn can be so dangerous in a marriage relationship.

Here are a few indicators that you might be cheating on your wife emotionally:

• You don't talk of other female relationships with your wife. (All of a sudden that "new girl at work" isn't being mentioned at all. Why not?)
• You begin to daydream about the next time you'll get to be around this other woman. (Or can't wait to get online again to see if she responded on Facebook.)
• You begin to get defensive and/or deceitful when your wife casually asks you about that certain someone.
• You don't allow (or don't invite) your wife to know your passwords for your different social accounts online.
• You begin creating events that will allow you more time to spend with this other woman.

These are just a few, but they are biggies. Emotional affairs always come before a physical one. It's why men shamefully rest their head in their hands and ask, "How did I get here?!" If you are noticing that you are drifting away from your wife emotionally, get help now. It won't get better on its own, and it gets messier and messier the longer you wait.