May 4, 2009

I Need Your Help

As I mentioned earlier this year, I have some ideas for this site that I hope to see come to pass sooner rather than later. Back in the very first post I ever wrote for iAMHUSBAND, I said, "...I'm hoping that there are others out there who have great ideas or advice to share with the rest of us. I hope this can be somewhat of a sounding board of positivity and encouragement as we all seek advice and ideas to keep our marriages alive."

Today I want to make that invitation official by inviting you to participate with this site by answering the following questions.

  • What Would You Like To See Discussed? I am only one man, and only one husband. What things would you like to see discussed here that you haven't seen yet? What questions do you have about married life? What questions do you have about love, sex, fights, gifts, etc? Hearing about what you'd like to see will really help me as I try to shape the direction of this blog.
  • Can I Get Some Help? The issues I choose to talk about come from my own perspective on marriage as I observe it. I would love to have other husbands out there contribute by writing articles that will help all men be better husbands. If you've got tip to share, a story to tell, a marriage book review to give, or anything else that you think would be beneficial to husbands and their marriages, please do!

Please leave your post ideas in the comments below, and if you have an article you'd like share with us here, please send me an e-mail using the contact button to the right for more information.

I hope that we can all work together to make this site better and more beneficial to even more husbands. I hope to hear from you soon.


  1. How'd you know when the woman you were with was the one you wanted to marry? Did you know instantly? Was it hard fought? Did you have doubts? How did you silence them? Isn't forever a really a long time?

    I'd like to see that discussed by multiple authors.

    -A single guy

  2. Hey, I think that's a great idea. We'll try and do a post like that soon. Thanks so much for your input!

    —A Husband

  3. I'd love to see some discussion of fighting well, and laying healthy ground rules for productive, non-hurtful fights.

  4. My wife and I are going through a major overhaul/upheaval right now. After 10-1/2 years there was little communication and zero passion. She thought all we needed was to get away on a vacation, but the last time we did that things were nice, but still zero passion.

    It seems like all we do is active listening and arguing and "I" statements and 7 steps inside of however many dimensions of communication tools...and we're not getting anywhere. Every step forward ends up being a step sideways. We're going to a marriage counselor AND couples group AND we're each seeing our own psychologists.

    And I don't always know if it's worth it. All I can see right now is a lifetime of what we're doing right now. I love my wife madly, but a part of me is wondering if being alone and dating (or not) would be better/easier/healthier.

    So, that's what I'd like to get some opinions on. I'm happy to answer questions, but really I want to hear what other's have done in similar situations. How do you know you should keep working at it and how do you know there's nothing left to work for?

    - Valley Confused

  5. To Valley Confused,

    There are definitely seasons in a marriage, and it sounds like right now you are going through a tough time. Tough times do not mean end-of-times. They just mean they're tough.

    Anything worth having in this life is worth working for. We value nothing that we have not sweat for ourselves. Marriage is hard work, there's no doubt about that. But it is also worth it. The things you are doing now sound positive, and I encourage you to keep working at them.

    What is it about your wife that you love madly? And if you truly do love her madly, how could you see a life without her as "better"? Yes dating random women for the rest of your life would be "easier" (in one, skewed aspect), but it definitely would be lacking the benefits of blood, sweat, and tears of a hard-earned marriage.

    I pray you are able to work through this, but without knowing you myself, I can't really give much applicable advice. E-mail me if you want to talk some more.

    Please, though, do not leave after working on a project for 10 1/2 years.

    —A Husband

  6. Any advice about marriages between people with different religious views (e.g. a Christian and an atheist)? We do share some common values and thoughts about generally good ways to behave or bring up kids, and yet we differ on this rather fundamental question, on which so much else about how we see the world is based. And we have have quite strong feelings about it.

  7. I would love if you talked about comforting your wife. Whenever I feel sad my husband has absolutely no idea what to say, which just makes me feel ignored.

    Also about jealousy in marriage.