Several days ago I posted a comment I received from a reader back in January in response to an article I wrote called Are You Good At Being Wrong? It seems as though there are many husbands struggling out there with always feeling like they are their wives' doormat; that their wives are always right no matter what.
Let me make this clear before I start so as not to offend our lady readers out there: both men and women struggle with admitting when they are wrong. The point of our post today is not to say that men don't deal with this. The point of this post is helping husbands deal with their wives when the wives themselves are in the wrong.
I did have some thoughts when I read through that comment that I want to share. Custom fit these thoughts and suggestions to your own specific situation, because every situation is different.
- Let Her Cool Down Before Expressing Your Feelings — Saying something to your wife like, "Well you're always right and I'm always wrong!" is just gasoline on a flame in the heat of the moment. In all actuality, she's upset about the situation, not at you. Wait until later to let her know to express to her things like, "I felt really hurt by the way you acted earlier." Removing yourselves from the situation will allow you to talk about what you want to talk about.
- But If You Do Need To Mention Something...— Recently my wife was very irritated with something that was going on (I think we were traveling) and she kept snapping at me out of frustration. This, in turn, was of course making me get very frustrated, so eventually I just asked, "Babe, are you upset with me?" She immediately said, "No, I'm just overwhelmed with..." I told her that the way she was acting was making me feel like she was angry with me. She apologized and things cooled down after that because she realized what was happening. Sometimes our anger toward other things catches our spouses in the crossfire.
- When She's Always Right — Our reader comment was a very specific situation of anger, but many people commented in the post Are You Good At Being Wrong about how their wives never admit that they are wrong, no matter how trivial the issue. If this is something that gets you down, you need to talk about it with her. But again, do it when you are away from the situation to limit her being overly defensive. Tell her, "It makes me feel really incompetent when you won't admit you're wrong over the little things." Or, "I feel beaten when I can't even be right over the little things I know I'm right about.
- Check Yourself — It is a lot easier for her to sympathize with your feelings if she knows you are trying in this area too. If you act just as stubborn, then telling her she needs to fix her problems is part of the reason you have problems. Check yourself; how well have you been able to admit your faults?
- If She Disregards Your Feelings Completely — If you have lovingly and clearly stated how you feel and things still don't seem to change, it's time to get help. Getting help can be as simple as going to another couple you know that has dealt with the same issue but gained victory over it, or as "extreme" as going to a counselor. This is your life and your marriage. If things aren't the way they should be, do not be okay with that. Little problems become big problems, and little issues become big feelings of resentment if they are not dealt with.
These are just a few ideas to help you in this area of how to get along with a wife who acts as though she is always right. I hope some of these have helped, and I would love to hear more suggestions on how to improve this situation in marriage in the comments below.