Several months ago I got a response to an article I wrote called Are You Good At Being Wrong?. One anonymous reader left the following comment, and I'd like to get everyone's input on it.
I had a terrible row with my wife yesterday. It's a long story and there are two sides.
In short she got stuck at the airport in bad weather. She called me in a very angry state and asked me to look at other flights on the net. I was in a rush to get to a meeting (in a pub as it happens) so I looked quickly and saw it would cost another €75 to change her flight. She wanted another flight only two hours earlier than the one she was on. At this stage her later flight had not been canceled. I argued that it was an expensive two hours. She swore at me and put the phone down. I sent her a text asking if I should book the flight. She sent another back saying I had to be kidding, so I went out to my meeting.
Half way through the meeting she called to ask me to book the flight. Her flight had now been cancelled. But I was half an hour away from the internet and she had ten minutes before the booking slot ended. She flew off the handle and cursed me in every horrible word she could think of.
It turned out the flight that she missed was the only flight that left until 9pm that night (neither of us were aware of this at that stage). She called me again. I cut my meeting short, went home and booked her on the later flight. But by now the damage was done. In her mind I had gone off down the pub and left her in her hour of need. I was the villain.
Personally, I have apologised but I'm lying. I still think she should accept some of the blame. But in her mind she's the victim. Now she is still punishing me but I feel empty because I will never be heard.
I feel that she is never wrong. In this case I think one could argue that the whole mess is her fault and due as in so many other cases to her anger problems. As usual I am the doormat. I pretend I am wrong and apologise until she 'forgives' me.
I can't go on like this. What should I do?
I'm afraid that this is more common than I might think. Though many of our problems will be taken care of by admitting our own blame, what do we do when our wives refuse to acknowledge that they've made some mistakes as well?
I want to pose this question to all of you. How can we positively encourage our wives to acknowledge their mistakes when it seems like refusing to do so is one of their major character flaws? Remember, we're coming at this from the angle of helping a marriage. Rude or sarcastic comments are not appreciated or welcome here.
I have a few thoughts of my own, but I'll wait a couple days to share those.