March 22, 2009

Improving Your Sex Life Through Books

For whatever reason, it's extremely easy to have sex, but not at all easy to talk about it. For some reason, we feel perfectly normal opening up our bodies to the most intimate act two human beings can participate in, but we can't talk about. Talking about it often brings feelings of rejection, resentment, and defensiveness. Many men and women have tried opening up about certain things a time or two only to have been met with a door in their face. That's why I highly recommend couples read books on the subject.

My wife and I were recently at the book store and noticed a sale going on: Buy Two Used Books, Get The Third Free. While we were scouring the relationship section I saw the book Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman. I had seen this book on the shelves for years and had always been curious, but never actually got around to reading it. That was definitely my mistake; this book is a great way for any married couple to enhance their sex life.

Reading books on improving your sex life allows you both to hear the same thing, and react to what you've heard. Often these books come with discussion questions to get you both talking about what the author has just brought up. And that's a big bonus with reading these books together: When you bring up sex on your own, she may interpret that to mean a million different things. When you read a book together, you're not the one bringing it up, the author is, so you both can respond (either positively or negatively) to what's being talked about. The tension is not near as high.

My wife and I decided to bring this book with us on a long car ride we had to take. As potentially awkward as it was probably going to be (and was at times), we decided to read the book out loud to each other as we took turns driving. As we read, I would stop her and ask, "What do you think about that?" or, "Is he describing you there?" At the end of a chapter I would ask her, "Did you learn anything from this section?" Just asking those basic questions allowed us to open up in ways we haven't before, and I felt closer to her knowing that we were talking about these things.

Dr. Kevin Leman pulls no punches. He is very blunt and outspoken on trying to help couples improve their sex lives on all different levels. And though the book isn't specifically for Christians, his own Christian faith keeps the book tactful, yet useful. He provides thoughts, insights, and ideas to improve music you make together in between the sheets.

I highly recommend this book to couples who have maybe fallen into the rut that sex in marriage can easily become if you're not careful. Not only will this give you some great ideas to help renew that spark, it will also get you and your wife talking about the most intimate thing in the world. And that, my friends, is a magical tool that turns an act of sex into an event of love making.


  1. I agree wholeheartedly! My wife and I read this book right before we got married, and it was EXTREMELY helpful, especially in those early stages (where you're passionate but don't know what you're doing) We could just laugh it off and say, "so we're not playing Mozart."

    And if something went right, you say, "That was actually music!"

    Fantastic, extremely helpful book!

  2. It's extremely easy to have sex? That's...good to know, I guess. Just from extrapolation, I'd assumed it might be the most difficult thing in the world--worse than hugs and tampons combined. ^_^;
    Sorry, I'm being off-topic again.

    ~Violet Black