The Priceless Gift Of Virginity In Marriage

One of the most popular stories on CNN.com this last week was an article called What Is Virginity Worth Today? The article is centered around a 22-year-old girl (I just can't bring myself to type "woman") named Natalie Dylan who is auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder. The last bid quoted was $3.8 million.

Putting a dollar amount on a sacred piece of marriage just doesn't sit right with me. Not at all.

The world is confused sexually, this much I know for sure. Opponents of the "Save Sex Till Marriage" campaigns say that we shouldn't force dated religious ideals on young people today. They say we should just educate and let them make their own responsible decisions; never mind that we don't dare apply that same logic to children owning handguns or twelve-year-olds getting their driver's licenses. Oh, and we can't forget to mention that at the same time they're telling us not to force religious sexual values on our children, they are telling our children, "Sex is a precious gift and it must be shared between two individuals who truly care about each other." Well where did that "truth" come from? Who says that we have to care about each other? Who says it has to be between two people? There is obviously some moral standard they're trying to convey. Why does it get to be that one?

But I'm distracting myself.

In the article, vice president for the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S., Martha Kempner, said that telling a young woman to stay pure misses the point. "By putting the emphasis there, [on virginity], we're actually devaluing the rest of women, the rest of her, and the rest of her sexuality for the rest of her life," she said.

Devaluing the rest of women? Don't think so. Devaluing the rest of her sexuality for the rest of her life? Most definitely.

I am not shy in admitting that my wife and I were both virgins when we married. By "not shy" I mean to say that I'm proud of it, that I love it, and that I love her more for it. The thought often crosses my mind when we're making love that she saved this experience for me. I never have to wonder how I compare to old lovers, and I never have to picture another man being intimate with her. I am my lover's and my lover is mine.

And the world today can't say that this isn't important, otherwise people wouldn't be shelling out $3.8 million for an untouched woman. Or, for a down to earth example, dirty-mouthed locker room boys wouldn't take pride in "popping cherries" and would quit labeling those girls who don't cherish their sexuality as sluts. If you think you don't care about a woman's sexual past but have ever wondered how you stack up to previous partners, you do care. If people actually didn't care about the beauty of virginity, then this article on CNN wouldn't have been among the top ten stories this last week. The truth is, whether we want to or not, we all value virginity. (Or consider this tell tale test: Imagine the woman you're going to marry and spend the rest of your life with. If you had a choice, would you choose for her to have slept with other guys, or to have you as her one and only lover?)

And what's worse is that those who do value their virginity are feeling more and more alone in the world. Many seem to give up their gift simply because they feel that everyone else has already done so. I've seen conversations in forums online and heard comments from people in real life that if you're looking for someone who's saving themselves, prepare to live a celebate life. The ridiculousness of this advice is that it is only given by those who couldn't wait themselves. Of course they'd say that — these guys found girls who believed the same thing (or convinced them to believe it) and so they gave it up together. If you want to believe in the value of virginity, don't ask those who don't value it what they think.

I actually know a young couple in their early twenties who are getting married in a few months. Both are virgins and, no, both were not raised in a church. She was, he wasn't, but they both decided to wait. And right now, they are both celebrating that they did.  Being married as and to a virgin is still very possible in today's world. The problem is that our loudest messages on the subject come from Hollywood and people like Martha Kempner.  And, sadly, because of these messages, more and more people are giving up on waiting.

This post isn't so much for married men, by the way. As a married a man, whether you were a virgin or not, you are to be crazy in love and faithful to the woman you chose. This post was not written to make you feel guilty over the choices you made before marriage — feeling guilty about this doesn't help your marriage at all. This post was written for those unmarried men and women who may stumble onto this site, questioning whether or not it is worth waiting to have sex. It is, guys. It is.

A couple's love flourishes amidst the the things that make them uniquely them. Along with having a favorite song and plenty of inside jokes, having shared my sexuality with only my wife makes me that much more crazy in love with her.

And that kind of sexuality is priceless.