November 18, 2008

Saying 'I Love You' First

You know those awkward situations when you're standing around with the guys, get a call from you wife, and she ends it with, "I love you." For some reason it can be pretty awkward to have to mumble back those three little words without feeling some sort of embarrassment or uncomfortableness, and oftentimes our friends nearby will make a big deal about it.

I know of a powerful and effective way to improve your marriage and take away that awkwardness: Say "I love you" first.

This may seem a little backwards if you are one of those guys who feels uncomfortable saying "I love you" no matter who says it first, but I promise this trick is empowering and does get easier the more you do it.

Being the one to initiate the "I love you" is a great way to show your wife that you really do love her, especially if she knows you are standing around with your friends. Also, since you were the initiator, the guys standing around you will have little to say about it. (Though they will probably say a few things as you transition into this "new you.")

Words are powerful; they can build up or tear down. Silence is also very powerful, and usually only tears down. The old joke, "I told you I loved you when I married you and if anything changes I'll let you know" is unacceptable. Our wives needs to hear the words. If the last time you willingly told your wife that you loved her was when you proposed, it's time to start a new habit. Like all unfamiliar actions, it may be uncomfortable at first, but it's well worth the effort.

Your assignment today: Tell your wife that you love her before she tells you. Whether it's easy or difficult, make it a point to be the first one who verbally loves today.


  1. I love this!! It's such a little thing - takes almost no effort - but can be a huge deal to both parties.

    I'm a female fan of this blog. My partner of almost 7 years is male, and while he's not closed-off emotionally, he has admitted to occasionally thinking that I should just take it for granted that he still loves me after all this time, etc. However, he also understands that isn't good enough. I'm a bit on the sensitive side - low self esteem, blah blah blah - so hearing something good from him REALLY helps me feel more confident and allows me to be a better partner to him.

    The other night before bed, he said he was going through a difficult time, trying to "find his way" as a person. My immediate instinct is to assume there's some issue with me. He has learned this (thank god) and made sure he said, loud and clear, "I LOVE YOU KELLY ______!"

    This little thing, these few words, meant so much at that moment. He really has no idea.

  2. I've found that making it a habit to include "I love you" with every parting, no matter how temporary, makes my wife really happy. I tell her I love her before goodbye after getting off the phone, before going to sleep at night, before heading off to work, etc. I also try to plant one on her quickly as I do.

  3. I agree.

    My advice is: Guys, get over yourselves!

    It's not weakness to say 'I love you' and if the guys you are with laugh at you, well, you're not married to them, so who cares what they think!?!