"Is There Anything I Can Do To Help?"

Often times as a husband I am just not very observant when it comes to helping my wife when she needs it. I'll see her running around the house frantically trying to get ready on time, and I am just at a loss as to what I can do to help. Other times she'll be in the kitchen cooking and I'll be watching T.V. or sitting at the computer and think, "I wonder if she's upset that I'm not helping right now?"

I have found one question to greatly help these times of confusion: "Is there anything I can do to help?" It's a simple question, but we, as men, often only think to ask it when things have gone too far and she's already upset (and then the question makes the problem worse).

Most of the time my wife will answer, "Yeah, could you help make the sandwiches?" or "Would you mind vacuuming the living room?" Other times, though, she'll say, "Um, no I think I'm fine right now, thanks."

Asking this question will put you both at ease. You'll feel better because you won't feel guilty about doing nothing when you know that she probably wants your help. She'll feel better because she knows that you care, even if there's nothing she needs you from you at that moment.

Again, we often ask this question when it's too late. We'll notice how irritated she is with us, and we'll say, "What do you want me to do?" and her response is something along the lines of, "I shouldn't have to tell you!" If you ask this question at the beginning, she'll appreciate you heart. Ask too late (and with the wrong tone), she'll probably be offended.

And wives, be kind to us. We tend to be a little slow in this area of recognizing what needs to be done. This makes me think of a wife who told me how her husband came home while she was feeding their newborn and while their two-year-old was climbing all over her. She was desperate for some help, but her husband was temporarily oblivious to the situation, he was in a different "box" (more to come on that idea). She said, "I'm amazed at how he could see me struggling and not think to do anything about it." Thankfully this wife had a good understanding of the differences between men and women, so it wasn't a point of tension, but a chance to laugh at the differences between the sexes.

So remember, ask if there's anything you can do to help. Let her know that you're aware that she's working and you're willing to. Whether she needs the help or not, you'll both feel better.

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