Doug Weiss, author of Sex, Men, and God, says that there are three types of men who masturbate, however because our experiences determine our reality, it is hard for the men in one category to even admit that the men in the other two categories exist. For example, because I don’t watch T.V. as much as I used to, I feel like no one watches T.V. that much anymore, therefore the television industry is hurting badly. This, of course, is not true at all, but because it’s true in my life, I feel it must be true in everyone’s life.
This is an important principle to understand because the truth is, not all men approach the subject of masturbation from the same perspective. And it is important to be able to know which of the three categories you fall into before we attempt to deal with and understand masturbation in your own life and marriage.
Type A - Those who don’t
Though there are jokes about the other five percent lying about it, this is just not true. Even though this is most definitely the minority in our culture (and getting smaller as sexuality becomes more open in our society), it does exist. These men are sexually normal, they have just never had the desire to satisfy themselves in this way.
Remember, just because this isn’t where you’re coming from does not mean that these type of men don’t exist.
Type B - Those who do, but who stay connected to reality
These are the men who masturbate, but who stay fully connected to real life. Doug Weiss says of the men in this category: “...he stays fully ‘connected’ to himself during the act, i.e. he does not lust or create sexual fantasies with the girls he knows. He would never use pornography during masturbation. For this boy, he’s simply engaging in a bodily function...He does not make up a fantasy world and he doesn’t use masturbation to meet the emotional needs in his life. He just stays connected, releases and moves on...Often when this man gets married, his masturbation behavior disappears or becomes very infrequent.”
Again, it may be hard for those of you who don’t approach masturbation like this to accept that this is a reality for some. You might say, “How in the world could someone masturbate and not have fantasies?!” Impossible as it might seem, these men most certainly do exist. (And it is these men who feel very torn when masturbation is condemned in a religious setting based on the grounds of lust. Because they themselves don’t lust during the act, they feel very confused.)
Type C - Those who do, but who are disconnected from reality
Dr. Doug Weiss says that these type of men “use fantasy, pornography or some form of objectifying women not only to arouse them during masturbation, but also to bring them to a point of ejaculation. When such a [man] enters this other world of fantasy, pornography and objectification, he has to spiritually and emotionally disconnect so he can fully engage in the fantasy state that he is creating.”
The Type A masturbator is dumbfounded by the existence of this group, and the Type B masturbator is confused at why it has to be such a “dirty” thing. Regardless of where you’re coming from, however, this group is a reality and is definitely the largest group of the three.
I think it goes without saying that it is Type C masturbation that can be the most threatening to a healthy marriage. We’ll talk more about why I think that is on Tuesday as we continue to tackle the subject of masturbation in the marriage relationship.
Up Next: Masturbation In Marriage – Part III
Related Reading: Masturbation In Marriage - Part I