July 18, 2008

Sex Begins In The Kitchen

The other day I was talking with a friend about his ridiculous coffee drinking habit. He was going through his daily routine, trying to recount how many cups of coffee he drinks on average. Basically, no human being should consume as much caffeine as he does. He said, "I'm not addicted but I do get headaches when I stop."

The thing is, this friend has a great marriage, and something he mentioned in passing during his coffee story struck me and my wife immediately. I most definitely wanted to share one of his secrets to a better marriage here with all of you.

Every morning he and his wife wake up at 6:00, which is about 45 minutes earlier than either of them need to wake up. They sneak into the kitchen and share some quality time together over coffee before their busy day begins. They make it a point to sit down and focus on each other before the three kids wake up, before it's time to get to work, and before there's a chance for a thousand unexpected things happen. What a great date to help start each day!

The book Sex Begins in the Kitchen by Dr. Kevin Leman is based around this simple concept. The idea is that true intimacy is cultivated outside of the bedroom and not the moment the bedroom lights go off. Intimacy in marriage has the opportunity to grow in a hundred different ways every day, including through a simple cup of coffee at six o'clock in the morning.

Sometimes (all the time?) life gets so crazy that if we don't force ourselves to sit down and enjoy each other's company and conversation, we'll end up only talking about the plans, the deadlines and the stress that goes with both. When that happens, our marriages suffer because intimacy has been placed on the back burner. Does my friend want to get up earlier than he has to every day? Doubt it. But he and his wife do it because they have made their marriage just as important as their other responsibilities in life. Just as important as taking care of the kids, and just as important as going to work. Not every couple needs to wake up at six in the morning to have a great marriage, but every couple needs this kind of time if they want a great marriage.

Taking alone time as a couple is a must. Besides coffee before breakfast, what are some other daily date ideas that can keep the emotional intimacy alive in your marriage?


  1. What a great idea! Our daughter is now three so this "before" time is available to us. However we have another one on the way so it will be interesting to see if we can still pull this off.
    Great tip!
    zendad (dot) net

  2. First thing in the morning is a great time for some people, they're lucky they're both morning people. I use that time to exercise.

    My wife and I text each other. It's something we can do in the middle of the workday and nobody notices. It's nice to feel your phone vibrate and know they're thinking of you.

  3. I call my wife on my lunch break just about every day. It's a good way to stay in touch with each other, and it's nice to just hear her voice, too.

  4. My wife bought me a latte machine 2 years ago for Valentine's Day. She says it is the best gift she's ever bought because every morning I make her a hazelnut latte that I deliver with a good morning kiss.

  5. My husband and I get up, make coffee and check the news online every morning. It gives us time to be together and enjoy each other. When we don't "have time" to do it, the day just seems off for both of us.