You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self. –Jerry McCant
One trap I seem to fall into a lot in my marriage is the "But I don't want to" trap. I see things that need to be done and I think, But I don't want to do that, and then expect my wife will take care of it later. And she will take care of it later because of how wonderful she is, but let me make something very clear:
She doesn't want to do it either!
I laughed at myself the first time I made this obvious realization, because what I was essentially saying was absolutely ridiculous: "My wife and I have different likes and dislikes: I like watching T.V. and playing video games and she likes cleaning the house and taking care of the kids when they're screaming, so it works out nicely." Right.
It's not that I think any of us actually think this in words, but it is what we imply with our actions. We imply that she should be aware of our likes and dislikes and take appropriate action. But what about her likes and dislikes? Do you honestly think she enjoys doing all the things you don't, or do you just think that you should be the only one who gets what you want? I love the quote up there from Mr. McCant: "...Successful marriage demands a certain death to self." And, I will add, that is a death we must choose to die every single day if we want lasting success.
Last night when I was telling my wife about my idea for this post, the first thing she said was, "Yeah, like folding the laundry!" Well there's my lesson. What's yours?
Photo by mrtambourine
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