May 19, 2008

Satisfy Your Hungry Eyes

One of my favorite things about being a man is Woman. God did something amazing with Human Being 2.0 and I will never get over it. He designed men to like to look, and he designed women to like being looked at. That design fits perfectly into marriage and can create wonderful intimacy and closeness if we work it right.

Most husbands are not married to the twenty-two-year-old Photoshopped cover models and the nineteen-year-old college girls at the beach. And for the husbands who are, they won't be for long – age catches up to us all. (That and those who want real commitment don't go looking for the girls who advertise.) Too many married men get caught up looking and lusting after these kinds of girls and they begin to take their own wives' beauty for granted. I am married to an absolutely gorgeous woman, but the more I start noticing the other women around me, the less I am affected by her beauty. And I want to be affected by her beauty.

Televesion, magazines, the internet and summer serve up an entire buffet of beautiful women daily. By starving your eyes from outside sexual stimulation, you can train your brain to define beauty based on the woman you sleep next to every night, and that is a pretty awesome trick.

The more we can keep our eyes away from Maxim and MTV, the harder it will be for us to find flaws in our wives' figures. When we can learn to starve our eyes of the sexual stimulation we get from all women – and only let our eyes go wild for one woman – we will remember how beautiful she is, and she will feel the difference.

So keep your eyes hungry.

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  1. I once saw a site online that exposed how Photoshopped most photos of models are before they are released for public consumption. They had before and after shots and it was startling how much work was done.

    The tragic thing is how we men (if we look) see those flawless looking bodies and make that the standard in our mind. It's not even a real body we're looking at, it's a graphic that was originally based on some photograph.

  2. Wonderful advice! This is truly something that we guys can implement easily and constantly, and provides huge dividends. I had never really thought of taming the wandering eye in terms of retraining to be satisfied by the beauty of your wife.

  3. I agree with your general post. However, you're opening statement is just the thing that categorizes women as second class citizens. Women are not a version 2.0. If you read Genesis 1:26 Gid made both man and woman in God's image. Meaning God is neither male nor female. But then you ask where does the story of the rib come from? (Genesis chp 2-3) This is from the word adamah which means "earthling" not Adam. The "rib" of "woman" is to show the interconnectedness of all humanity as helpers to one another.

    What I'm saying is women are not secondary and by calling them version 2.0 is to just perpetuate the stereo type that they're second class citizens. To even attempt to be a good husband.. this must be stopped. Women can't be viewed as equal to men if this misinterpretation of Genesis 1 or 2-3 continue....

    1. Way to misspell "god" and make "stereotype" 2 words. You're clearly very smart. You must be a woman, no man would ever make communication this difficult.

  4. Revizzy,

    I'm sorry you misunderstood, and maybe that's my fault. I do want to clarify my use of the phrase "Human Being 2.0." I was thinking in terms of the business world: computers, cars, electronics, etc., in which version 2.0 is always much nicer than 1.0.

    I was in no way implying Second Class, I was absolutely shooting to convey First. Just like version 2.0 is always a nicer, suped-up version of of the original, so also are women an improvement over the original "Man" model — that is, sweeter body, faster processor, etc. Way more features than I've got!

    And in this context, I refuse to look at women in the same way I look at men.

  5. This was a very good post. Its hard for us "normal" ladies to compete with the women in magazines, on tv, and in the movies (and the widespread use of porn just makes it a losing battle from the start).

    I think for a lot of women, if they know that their husbands think they're beautiful, then how they compare to other females won't matter so much.

  6. I'm a pretty enlightened woman - and I wasn't offended by the wording up there. I think this post is wonderful. These standards of beauty are impossible to live up to - and it's not fair to compare you wife to a media star with a spray tan, implants, extensions and plastic surgery..

  7. Fantastic advice! Luckily I am married to a gorgeous woman and I see her more beautiful everyday (I am not making this up, I was looking at our newly wed pictures the other day and she is 500% better now, even after two kids). In any case, our Lord was very clear in Matthew 5, 27-28 where he said:

    "You have heard that it was said to the ancients: "Do not commit adultery. But I say to you, Everyone looking at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

    Mental discipline that over time can be developed is what it takes.

    Many blessings,

    Art Gonzalez
    Check my Squidoo Lens at: Quantum Knights

  8. Is there any empirical evidence that this method works? What's the success rate? As a man, I demand figures. Particularly, the coke-bottle variety.

  9. Totally agree 2.0 always means better, (and it's definitely true with women) unless of course we're talking Microsoft products. Good post, I have a hard time convincing my wife she's the most beautiful woman I know, but I won't stop trying. Revizzy I'm not sure what your experience has shown you, but there are a lot of us men out here who fully acknowledge how incredible women are.

  10. a husband, feel free to use anything from the post on reading. I couldn't get kontactr to work. it gave me this message: Result: No CAPTCHA was viewed.

  11. Very well-written post! I wish I would have read it several years ago when Internet porn started to catch my glances. I had deceived myself ... I had rationalized it by saying no damage was done.

    Then one night I forgot to clear my searches and my wife caught me. Thank God. I quit, cold turkey ... and now after many, many, MANY months we have started to regain the closeness that I had thrown away. God was able to restore our relationship.

    LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ANY MAN THAT THINKS PORN IS OK. It's NOT. It causes you to devalue your wife, and if you're like me you don't even realize it's happening.

  12. yay...go good husbands! thanks for this =)

  13. What about women who look at attractive men? Cosmo features "shirtless man of the month" and many women enjoy looking at hot men in nothing but shorts during the summer.

    I am not saying your viewpoint is WRONG, per se, but I just find a lot of material focusing on the negative aspects of the male mind... Looking at attractive members of the opposite sex is common between both genders, and I don't see a lot of women beating themselves up about it.

  14. To the previous anonymous,

    The difference comes with understanding how guys' and girls' brains work. In general, a woman sees a hot guy and thinks, "He's good looking!" but feels no emotional attachment to the man. She attaches through receiving love.

    Men on the other hand see the woman and attach to the image. From that point on he attaches emotionally to the image by pulling it up throughout the day, and it can even be used during sexual gratification. Men are visually oriented, and so they need to take extra care in what they're letting in.

    I encourage you to check out the books For Women Only and For Men Only in the iAMHUSBAND bookstore (in the sidebar). There's great info on this very subject in those books.

  15. Again this advice ignores existence of other women in the world around us. Please take a walk in Manhatten at lunch time, I think you will be surprised to see that there are a lot of beautiful women who are real and are not Photoshoped. You are advising a Soviet approach to reality. Ignore everything else to really like what you have. This doesn't work for anyone living in a modern world where visual isolation is impossible.

  16. I hope you are kidding about taking Genesis literally:) I doubt that the Good Book is a source of good advice on marriage. How about the treatment of polygamy and concubines in the Bible.

  17. I am a wife of 10 years with 2 children who just discovered my husband looking at revealing videos of women. I am shocked and hurt. Thank you for writing this article.

  18. This is solid advice. We haven't had much sex since the birth of our second child, and I have not been careful regarding what images I use for masturbation. I will shred what I have and move on.

  19. To the previous anonymous,

    I'm glad this advice hit you at the right time. I hope you already made progress. Keep those images out of your mind!

  20. Dear husband,

    I like your article (although I don't read English very well) but I almost cought the overall meaning. and I totally agree with you about the negative effects "on both men and women" of watching such stuff.

    But my question is that : To preserave water, should we keep drying the water pouring from the taps, or close the tap firmly !

    I mean it is the sources of such bad, immoral and cheap stuff which we have to fight and disallow for ourselves, wives & child safe and good life.

    Thanks = )

  21. I have learned that this is right and it is biblical.1 peter 4:1-2 talks about,he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. It takes denial of the flesh to be delivered from lusting eyes, which the bible say's is of the world and not the father.

    I encourage all my brother's to cry out for help, first to the Lord and then to somebody, confess your faults one to another and be healed.

  22. "When we can learn to starve our eyes of the sexual stimulation we get from all women – and only let our eyes go wild for one woman – we will remember how beautiful she is, and she will feel the difference."

    That is so true!

    I found a christian music video on YouTube that has the name "Starve Your Eyes". Check it out:

    Psalm 101:3
    I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.

  23. @Anonymous March 3, 2009

    1. Clearly there can be other real beautiful womans around at word or elsewhere. The question is how do you look at them. With respect or lust?

    2. Read Genesis again! God made marriage for one man and one wife. The first man that took to wifes in history was a sinner!

  24. this is an excellent advice.... it will help me to fight the chemical overload in the brain..thank u.

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  26. I like this. The whole rest of the Internet seems to be of the opinion that if you're not promiscuous enough, you're about to snap and become a serial rapist...but that's not what observation seems to teach. It's a beautiful thing to see a man who only has eyes for his wife. All the passion is still plainly visible, but it's channeled into something pure and constructive. It would be a lovely world if everyone operated like that.

    ~Violet Black

    P.S. I understood the Human Being 2.0 comment immediately, though I still squirmed a bit. I've gotten conditioned to squirm whenever someone implies the female sex is superior because they often follow it with a list of reasons...most of which do not apply to me. I'm not sure what I'm meant to think of those lists. I'm not male, either, so I can't join in with the "we men" camaraderie that probably requires lifelong cultural familiarity anyway, but what am I to do if I'm barely a woman?