Contrary to what we might have thought about the subject before we got married, married men are still attracted to beautiful women. Usually these are manageable feelings of attraction, as we only see these women in passing and can help starve our eyes for our wives by simply glancing away. The moment of sexual tension is short; whether you won or lost, the battle is over.
But sometimes it's not so easy. Sometimes we're put in a one-on-one situation with a gorgeous woman and we can't do anything but think about the sexual tension. This may be at a dinner party, at the office, or with a random waitress at a restaurant. Sometimes it can even happen in the presence of our own wives.
And I call it sexual tension because feeling attracted to a woman other than your wife causes a bunch of crazy feelings inside. Yes, you are attracted, but no, you can't pursue those feelings. Yes, she is beautiful, but no, she is not yours to look at. Sometimes we can be tempted to be a little flirty, and sometimes it's awkward because you don't want to be flirty but you can't think of anything else to say that would ease the building tension.
I once heard a fantastic piece of advice to help during these times. Whenever you find yourself in these awkward situations with attractive women, talk about your wife. In a positive way, bring her up as often as you can. Look for ways to compliment her and share how much you love her. This obviously needs to be done tactfully, but by positively bringing up your wife during conversations with a woman you're attracted to, you will remind both yourself and the other woman that you have a wife, and that you love her very much.
And by doing this, the tension inside should start to ease.
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4 comments:
Great post, keep up the good work. It may take awhile, but with honesty like this, I'm sure other guys that discover your site will be coming back. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm a big everyman's book reader.
A lot of guys think that if they find a woman attractive, they have to DO something about it.
Don't!
If you are attracted to a woman, just enjoy that energy. Don't feel a need to come on to her or dominate her with your feelings.
I think it's awesome if my husband has that kind of moment with another woman. Yes, he knows I love him and dig him - but we're married. Having a total stranger give him or me that feeling is a complete validation. He feels like the sexiest man on earth and is a total stallion when WE get to the bedroom.
It doesn't detract anything from your wife unless you let it.
So don't act on it, enjoy and appreciate it. Know that it comes from a love of 'women' and that specific woman. If you are constantly damping down your sexual energy, you may have trained yourself to do that - even in the presence of your wife.
Which is why your advice of talking about your wife is FANTASTIC, because it reinforces sexual attraction = wife.
Love it.
*and NOT that specific woman.
gah.
I agree that talking about the wife works to break down the tension. As well, speaking of your children or indeed even having them be present if chance allows it can work too. It simply makes realistic to both persons the fact that one of them has a life, a family, a history and a present.
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