April 29, 2008

Stop Doing What You Know She Hates

I got into this habit of leaving my pajama pants (I guess they're more like lounge pants) on our bed every morning after I would get dressed for the day. After a while I started to notice that every day they ended up folded and put away in a drawer. I finally realized (because it can take me a while) that my wife preferred my pants in the drawer, and not thrown on the bed. I'm quick, I know.

But then I started thinking: She probably gets irritated with putting these away every day, but she isn't saying anything because she's telling herself that this is just "a little thing." I decided that whether or not she was actually bothered, I knew I would be if the situation was reversed, and so I decided to start folding them and putting them away myself.

She's never said anything about it, and it might not have even bothered her at all, but little things can turn into big things over time, and I didn't want my wife feeling angry and guilty for feeling angry over a pair of my old sweats.

We all have those "little things" we do that we know our wives don't like. So today, ask yourself: What's one thing I do that I know my wife wishes I didn't? Don't do it to get recognition from her; do it because this is just a small way you can help your wife love and appreciate you more.

Some random ideas that came to mind:

  • Leaving your laundry out
  • Too much time with the computer or video games
  • Those awful, predictable jokes you always make in front of guests
  • Letting the kids do what she doesn't want them to
  • Being too open with your scratching, burping and farting
  • Forgetting to hang up your towel


  1. Its a very thoughtful idea you've proposed, but perhaps an even more simple solution would be to just ask her if it is irritating. If she hasn't mentioned it, maybe that's because she doesn't care.

    And it could just be that what's really irritating to her is something entirely different, but she doesn't want to bring up on her own.

  2. A comical and necessary P.S.

    My wife sat down to read my post, and I was a little anxious to hear if my pants had bothered her. It went like this:

    Me: "So what did you think of the post?"
    Her: "It was funny, I liked it. The whole time I was sitting there reading I thought, 'He does do that a lot! I didn't even realize it until you said something."
    Me: "Oh please don't say "does" — it's "did," right?
    Her: "No you do it pretty often."
    Me: "But I decided to start doing this months ago."

    Great, I brought something up she didn't even think about only to hear that I wasn't doing as well as I thought.

    Though I really disagree, and think I've been doing much better, she's the one who gets to say if it's true because she knows if she's still folding and putting away.


  3. You still get an A for effort and thoughtfulness..

  4. I loved the P.S

    Well, I'm a wife, and now started thinking about which of his behaviors irritate me... Can't think of any. Ah, except his mobile phone... It always rings, and always in inappropriate moments : ( Hate it...

  5. This list is a good idea, but I wonder - in the spirit of building a good marriage - if such a list exists for women, which might encourage them to ask the same question of themselves.

  6. Hmm...Note to self: Develop the self-discipline to stop driving loved ones nuts!

    ~Violet Black