April 7, 2008

Being Naked

I ran across an interesting article at TheMarriageBed.com about the importance of husband and wife enjoying touch and nudity outside of the sexual relationship. The author talks about enjoying each other's skin without it always leading to sex; something women need and the relationship as a whole can benefit from.

Some highlights:

"Sleeping in the nude seems to violate some unwritten rule in America. It may be good for the folks who make pajamas, but why do we "dress" for bed?" Also, "Part of sleeping together is falling asleep together and waking up together. It's not just about being in the same place; bedtime small talk and half asleep hugs can create a deep sense of closeness."

"When's the last time that showering together wasn't foreplay?! Ever shared a long hug in the shower?"

"Lazy naked snuggling is so easy when you sleep together IF you don't go to bed exhausted and IF you wake up more than 30 seconds before you HAVE TO jump out of bed. Just wrap yourselves around each other and enjoy the contact; no movement or talking is required."

"One reason many women avoid this is they fear that it will 'always lead to sex,' while men often avoid it out of fear that "it won't lead to sex. The problem here is..."

I think this article's got a lot of good things to say, and our relationships definitely won't suffer from trying to be more intentional about this. You can check out the full article here. (And don't forget to come back and let me know what you thought.)


  1. I think you're 100% on target when you say men don't have the ability to do this. Men can't even hold hands without thinking of sexual intentions.

    I think this is all a part of the affection that women desire. The affection that is not sexual in nature. When me catch on to the fact that women need non-sexual touching ... it'll improve the relationship!

    1. Disagree. My hubs can do this just fine. I'M the one wanting the sex all the time!

  2. I don't think my husband can do this - we've become very unaffectionate during any other time of the day besides nightime when we're going to have sex. The reason? Here's a perfec scenario..

    Sunday morning, I'm washing dishes, kids are playing in next room, he comes up from behind and kisses my neck and hugs me..before I can actually think "oh this is nice", he turns it into a boob-groping fest and I'm once again having to push him away.. I don't like pushing him away - I WOULDN'T BE pushing him away if he wouldn't put me in the awkward position of not wanting to be felt up with my kids 12 feet away..

    I wish so badly he would get it. I hope he's not taking "she doesn't want me" from it.. Because I do - I just want him at an appropriate time where I can participate and relax.

  3. Anonymous, I really am sorry to hear that and think that your husband might benefit from reading that article I linked to. If he knew exactly how you felt about it, and that you understood how he feels, progress may very well follow.

  4. Anonymous, I'm sorry for you. If it's any consolation, I have the opposite problem -- my wife bristles at even non-sexual touch. If I come up from behind and hug her (with no groping of any kind), 3 out of 4 times she will back away and the fourth she will accuse me of "pawing" her. Is it because I only touch her as a prelude to sex? No; I don't even bother asking anymore. It hasn't happened in almost a year.