April 1, 2008

One Question To A Better Marriage

There is one question I try to ask myself every single day that has had an incredible impact in every aspect of my marriage. It's a very simple yet powerful tool that enhances love and intimacy every time it is used. This one question can change your marriage. The question is:

How have I shown my wife that I love her today?


The how forces us to see if we've done something identifiable, the shown makes us ask ourselves if we've done something our wives have actually been able to see, and today gives us a time limit in which to do it. This question helps us remember to remember to love our wives. Asking this question has gotten me off my butt and into the kitchen to wash dishes many times, and her sweet "Thank you" has always made it worth it. I want her to see how much I love her, and that will only happen when I am consciously thinking about how to do it.


Start asking yourself this question today. Print it out and tape it the top of your monitor, set an alarm in your phone, or tattoo it backwards on your forehead. Let this be the start of phone calls and text messages of sweet nothings throughout your day. Let this be an offer to fold the laundry, bathe the kids, or vacuum the living room. And, if all of your creativity fails, simply go to your wife and ask, "How can I show you how much I love you today?"


(And make sure to come back and share your success stories with all of us.)

10 comments:

  1. If I end up vacuuming the laundry, bathing the living room, and folding the kids...does it still count as a good deed. As a husband, and an exhausted one at that, I will inevitably get it wrong!

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  2. I see lots of sites about how men can be better husbands, but none for women. Are all women as perfect as they think they are?

    Why is it ok for my wife to not only ask me to do a job, but nag me about it; then it's socially acceptable for her to berate me to her friends if I don't do what she asks.

    Try acting the same way to your wife...

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  3. "Why is it ok for my wife to not only ask me to do a job, but nag me about it; then it's socially acceptable for her to berate me to her friends if I don't do what she asks."

    It's not.

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  4. My husband is a morning person and I'm a night owl, so he goes to bed before me, and leaves before I get up in the morning. But, EVERY night, no matter how tired he is, he turns back my covers, finds my book light, reading glasses and book and sets them by the bed, with the light on so I can see my way to bed. He's done this for almost 20 years, and every night I feel cared for and loved. WAY more loved than when he does the kitchen floor, because this tells me he understands that the time I spend reading before bed is special and he wants me to have that. So maybe you have to look for what you can do or say that shows you value HER, not just what she DOES for you.

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  5. As Jennwhite said It is not really the big things that show your love but rather the small things, picking up a basket of strawberries when you go out to do the shopping, remembering anniversaries and birthdays and reminding HER before she has to remind you, volunteering for doing stuff, taking the kids off her hands by taking them out so she can have alone time, hell, I've even forced my wife out of the house so she can have some alone time at the local coffe house. That last one was soooooooo necessary as she can be incredibly stubborn, as I recall I had to push her out of the door, lock it and then drop 30 pounds out the letterbox, God she was shouting at me BUT when she came back a few hours later she was really happy I'd made her do it.

    Might sound nasty to some of you but occasionally it is a case of knowing your wife and knowing what they need even if they won'r admit it and then making them do it.

    You'd be suprised at the number of wives who won't do what they know is good for them even when their husbands wants them to do it.

    Seems to work for us too as we've just celebrated 20 years of marriage. :-)

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  6. Anonymous - "Why is it ok for my wife to not only ask me to do a job, but nag me about it; then it's socially acceptable for her to berate me to her friends if I don't do what she asks."

    Ummmm, don't know quite how to put this but...... for the simple reason that I actually want to have sex regularly. All you have to do is do what she tells you and keep your mouth shut about it then she won' have any ammo to berate you about and she gets to boast about how great you are to her friends which makes you more popular and you get a happy wife who will *cough cough* make you a happier husband. :-)

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  7. What if you are a husband who already does all these things and feels that they are not always appreciated or nothing is done in return, on any level? Does it make me selfish to think that she should put me first sometimes, and not just on special occasions? I already have the popularity with the girlfriends because I do treat her like a princess, and she knows that. However, I feel like it is role reversal...after reading other comments I feel like I am the women in the relationship.

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  8. All are so focused on me, me, me. I think the best change is the change of example. That is to say if you go and show your love by ways of works and spend time listening to your spouse. I believe that women have a thousand things going on in their heads. While us as mean have as many but we tend to focus on one thing at a time or until that item is completed. What I'm saying is change in a relationship comes from change in yourself first. Change in your spouse will come from our example. Just something to think about.

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  9. All are so focused on me, me, me. I think the best change is the change of example. That is to say if you go and show your love by ways of works and spend time listening to your spouse. I believe that women have a thousand things going on in their heads. While us as men have as many but we tend to focus on one thing at a time or until that item is completed. What I'm saying is change in a relationship comes from change in yourself first. Change in your spouse will come from our example. Just something to think about.

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  10. Now that made me think. I don't have a wife yet but I do have a girlfriend I love a lot.

    How could I express my love for her today?

    She is away from me today. So I'll send her e-chocolates and e-gifts! Why not?

    But thank you, for making me think about it...

    I can write many sentences but simply put: I like reading your blog. :)

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