Do You Remember The Day You Met?

I always love hearing stories about how couples met. It is so intriguing to me to hear about how two completely different people in the world happen to bump into each other at a seemingly random event, and through that meeting, history is made. It makes me think of that Brad Paisley song, All Because Two People Fell In Love. It simply is amazing.

My wife and I are days away from celebrating the anniversary of the day we met. It really isn't that I intended to remember the date way back when (and I most certainly had no idea what would become of us back then), but it just so happened to be at a special event we both attended which made the date easy to remember. We met and spent the remainder of the day talking and talking. We talked about everything and nothing and I quickly realized that I really liked this girl.

Do you remember the day you and your wife met? Do you celebrate that day in your relationship? If not, I encourage you to do so. More than anything it is fun to reminisce together about your crazy story. I like to hear my wife talk about what she was thinking and feeling at the time. Your wife will also appreciate that you're thinking about your relationship on a day other than your wedding anniversary.

Remember the unexpected gift at an unexpected time? Surprising your wife with a special date on the day you both met (or around the day you both met if its a little fuzzy to you*) will touch her heart and, in turn, touch your marriage.

Does anybody want to share about the moment you met your wife? Was it love at first sight or did it take a while for you two to grow on each other?

*If you don't remember the day you met, but you know that she does, make sure you get that information out of her during some casual event. If you get the date wrong, she'll most likely be distracted by that when you surprise her and it could ruin the effect you were going for.

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Facebook and Your Marriage

Family blogger Trey Morgan, of treymorgan.net posted 10 Facebook Rules for Married Couples a couple of days ago. It's a very interesting list, and I would definitely second everything he had to say. It's definitely worth checking out.

So how well to you behave on Facebook as a husband? Respectable? Honorable? Are you flirting with disaster or do you use it to flirt with your wife (which is a great way to show public affection). Do you vent to those who don't need to know about your dirty laundry? One of my friends on Facebook is a distant relative who constantly berates her husband for being lazy, not being around, or just not being helpful. True? Maybe. But does it need to be out there for all to see? Definitely not. Talk to your spouse—not to the rest of the world—about your issues.

So which of Trey's top ten stood out to you as most important? I think mine is Number 8: Don't be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. I love doing that!

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How Will Your Marriage Be Different In 2010?

Whether we voice our resolutions or not, I think it's safe to say we all have hopes and dreams for the new year. We want things to improve, we want things to be better.

My question for us all today is, How will your marriage be different in the new year? How is it going to get better? How can you be a better husband or father? Has their been a growing distance between you and your wife? How can you become close again. We must be intentional about our marriages or they're going to die of neglect.

Last year I told you about an interesting couple's spin on New Year's resolutions. Could you do it? Can you learn how to show that you love your wife every day? Here's an idea: How about reading books together? (Maybe even sex books?)

You are husband. You can do it. Fight for your marriage. Fight for your family. Dream big and make 2010 the year you fell in love with your marriage.

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Wash Your Dish On Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was eating something while my my mom and my wife were in the kitchen baking up a storm. When I took my dish to the sink I noticed that it was quite full of bowls and spoons and other things. I knew if I just set my bowl in the sink and walked away I would get a few comments about it, so I set out to wash my own dish so that I wouldn't be contributing to the mess.

After I quickly washed my own dish I thought I might as well wash all the baking dishes as well and be a little bit of a help to the ladies who were working so hard. So I did, and then the shower of accolades began.

My mom, my wife, and my grandma-in-law all started talking about how sweet and thoughtful I was. Then before bed my wife told me how much she appreciated me and my thoughtfulness, and then compared me to another man in the house who didn't do anything all day long. I really didn't think what I did was really worth all the attention, especially since the girls were the ones doing all the work. But my wife appreciated it, and that's what matters to me.

So I thought I'd pass on this little tip to everyone else today. As the women in your life are going crazy with last minute holiday meal preparations, present wrapping, and child-wrangling, what little thing could you do to be a big help?

Merry Christmas everybody!

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Something She Actually Wants

I remember being at a friend's house sometime around the holidays several years ago. This friend's dad loved watching TV. In fact, it was pretty much the only thing he did in his spare time. This friend's mom, however, hardly ever watched TV; she found much more satisfaction in doing other things. So it was pretty funny when I came over and Dad proudly showed me the new TV "he got for mom." Yeah, right.

I was reminded of this story recently when my own father was venting to me about how this year my mom was refusing any of the latest and greatest technological gifts. She said she was tired of having to relearn these things, all to have them become outdated so quickly. She wanted clothes, shoes, household wares. She wanted things that would last. What was so humorous to me was that my dad sounded genuinely irritated that my mom would want those things because he really wanted to get her a Kindle.

We men are funny, aren't we? And while we can go ahead and laugh at our ridiculousness, let's not forget to improve our relationships while we do it. This year, think: What would my wife actually want for Christmas? Make sure you are honestly comparing that with what you want her to have. They are probably not the exact same thing. And I promise you, even if you miss the mark but she can see the effort, she'll love it more than that other thing. Really.

I think some of this goes back to what I wrote on learning to love the same things. We do want those closest to us to be just as interested in the things we love as we are. But in some areas, that can really just come across as selfish.

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Are You Having An Emotional Affair?

My heart breaks with all the news on Tiger Woods right now. This kind of news is never pretty in life, but few of us will ever know what it feels like to suffer this kind of embarrassment in front of the world. Though I do believe he should have been found out and in the long run it will be good for him, I don't think he deserves our hate and scorn. Just our prayers would do fine. I follow a photography blog by Scott Kelby and he had an excellent little post about our reaction to this whole fiasco. He described exactly what I was feeling and I strongly recommend that you go take a look at it here. 

But all of this news has made me think of something I heard when listening to a marriage seminar recently. The speaker said that an emotional affair always comes before a physical affair. You might want to read that again.

An emotional affair always comes before a physical affair.

I think most of us would swear up and down that we'd never go out and have a physical affair with anyone, but the fact is you may be in the midst of an emotional affair right now. An emotional affair happens whenever you give your mind and heart over to focusing on and thinking about other women. This could be that new coworker who has been so complimenting of your work. This could be a new connection with an old high school friend on Facebook. Most of the time they start out innocently, but over time your heart begins to get attached. This is why porn can be so dangerous in a marriage relationship.

Here are a few indicators that you might be cheating on your wife emotionally:

• You don't talk of other female relationships with your wife. (All of a sudden that "new girl at work" isn't being mentioned at all. Why not?)
• You begin to daydream about the next time you'll get to be around this other woman. (Or can't wait to get online again to see if she responded on Facebook.)
• You begin to get defensive and/or deceitful when your wife casually asks you about that certain someone.
• You don't allow (or don't invite) your wife to know your passwords for your different social accounts online.
• You begin creating events that will allow you more time to spend with this other woman.

These are just a few, but they are biggies. Emotional affairs always come before a physical one. It's why men shamefully rest their head in their hands and ask, "How did I get here?!" If you are noticing that you are drifting away from your wife emotionally, get help now. It won't get better on its own, and it gets messier and messier the longer you wait.

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